After my little brother and I were removed from my birth father. He was arrested and kept in jail. This allowed my mother enough time to get away and file for a restraining order. Which she later obtained the restraining order.
During all the craziness CPS did an investigation on the children’s safety which meant we were separately brought into a room and asked questions on things that might or might not have happened to us. My mother was not aware of the following incidents until all this insanity had happened. She worked full time while my birth father “Took care of the kids” CPS took myself and my siblings in a room one by one asking us the same questions. Myself and my brothers provided the same sickening information.
My two siblings and myself all stated that my birth father would walk around the house completely naked with an erection and have us children sit on his lap. We also stated that at night while my little brother would sleep in the same bed as him and this small baby made screams out of the ordinary for a small child’s cry, his screams were blood curdling… As for what was really going on it cannot be said he was too small to say anything. Me and my siblings stated that he did drugs and drank smelly fluid all day (alcohol) He would say mean and cruel things to us and sometimes hurt us physically.
Most if not all this information was new to my mother, or she was in denial any of it was actually happening. Looking back, I think she just became used to that way of life, and I think slowly instead of fighting the abuse she unintentionally sought it out and supported that way of life. Abusive relationships are very sneaky that way I think so many people fall victim to this addictive nature that comes with conflict. She started that relationship with hope that she will be happy with this man he knew she had hope and so he exploited that hope. His broken manipulation and her hope for a happy life created this toxic relationship. I think this relationship made my mother start to change the abuse was like a slow poison killing not the body but the soul and personality of the victim.
After we finally got away from him and the abuse. My mother moved us to Spokane, Washington. Life was chill. As time went on, she started to seem more like herself the time away from my birth father was healthy. She started dating around here and there it was casual for the most part. For a small amount of time, she said it seemed as if she had a stalker. Things around the house would move and the door would become unlocked even though us kids were asleep. She would also get phone calls from a strange man breathing heavy and saying things like how her children were his children. She confronted my birth father about it telling him to leave her alone, he rudely denied all accusations. Around the same time that weird stuff was happening one of the houses we lived in caught on fire. She mentioned this story with both fear and a fondness for the old woman next door to our house. My mother would recollect this story say how this old woman came to the front door banging on the door screaming GET OUT THE HOUSE IT’S ON FIRE!!! She had said how the old lady was grumpy, but she saved our life. My mother had theorized that the house caught on fire because of the potential stalker. We will never find out if it truly was the stalker.
This small time in me and my family’s life became relaxed and easy, she was a single mother working so easy mostly pertained to less fighting and more peace. Around this time, I was about three years old even though I was just a small child there was a truly identifiable difference in the household. As an adult thinking back, it is truly alarming how in tune kids are to the moods and environment around them. As an adult I have made so many realizations about these times in my life this is a point I will mention in the future.
Over time she became lonely, so she continued dating. Eventually she found a man that lived in Wallace, Idaho. They talked for some time when I was four years old, she finally decided to meet him in person. This man was living in two houses he had two dogs Sasha and bluebell both adorable. He lived alone I think now because he hated other people or because he knew he only hurts others. When she met him in person, they went out drinking he drank but she did not, he encouraged her to drink because he wanted to see what she was really like. So, she decided to drink with him my mother talked about this story fondly. They drank until intoxication and on their way home someone talked about bears in the town recently. My mother responded to that claim by wanting to go hunting so she decided to get on his ATV and try to drive it without actually driving it… there were no keys in the ignition she fell off of the ATV while she slurred “let’s go find the bearrrrs” then ended the night by puking. He found out she could not handle her alcohol, over time they grew closer, and he mentioned to her that she should move in the house in front of his. He owned both houses he did not want her to have to drive so far between Idaho and Spokane Washington. She told him that if her kids meet him and like him then maybe she would consider it.
Well soon after that all of us went on a road trip to Idaho I remember small parts of that day. I remember how the drive there was smooth the air and sun had such a clean smell to it. Each place had a different unique smell to it, Spokane smelled like clean fresh cut grass and misty rain. Idaho was colder even when it was sunny, I remember feeling chilled by air that smelled like trees and moss. At this moment and time, I remember the world around me feeling so light and easy. We arrived in the afternoon, he met us outside, of course us being kids we were skeptical of this strange large man in this strange new place. He had his ATV’s outside, so we got to play on them like jungle gyms. His dogs were also so nice and fluffy Bluebell was a chocolate lab and Sasha was a wolf coati mix she was a rescue from hide and fur poachers. At this time, he was happy and nice to all of us… because of this my mother decided to move all of us to this new place with this new man.
In the next blog I will discuss the unfortunate years to come after we moved into the new house. With this newfound lover of my mother even though the events coming are horrible and mostly traumatizing there are so many valuable lessons to gain from these events. As a child we cannot choose our home or family however we can choose the way we react and move forward. Making mistakes have been my greatest tool in learning who I am and want to be. Coming from a house of constant unsureness and conflict I had no conscious version of self until I allowed room for mistakes. So, I urge you to allow room to make mistakes not only make mistakes but also be empathetic to why you made them. Instead of shame choose growth this method of self-understanding will set you forward and set you free.
Written by Amber Sherman.
Myself as a child, I think I was around 3 to 4 years old here.
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